I wanted to blog about this for myself as well as for family and friends to know how things went last week.....
Tuesday the 23rd I had to go to the doctor at 9 in the morning to have these little sticks about 3 inches long made from seaweed inserted into my cervix to dilate it. I couldn't eat or drink the entire day since I was having surgery that evening. I was scheduled for surgery at 5, so I had to be at the hospital to check in and all that at 3. We got there, got checked in and put into a room in ambulatory services to wait for 2 hours til they took me down to pre-op (we watched the cash cab the entire time). Well 5 comes and goes and no one has come to get me. By this time I was literally starving and so thirsty, and had the biggest headache from not eating or drinking all day. I had Anthony go out and ask them what was going on... He comes back and said that my Doctor was in another surgery that was to take 3 hours and that he wouldn't be done til 6:30. I was so disappointed!!! But luckily the nurse came in and said that he was done and it would be another 10 to 15 minutes. I was so relieved after that...I just wanted to get it over with and go home and eat some yummy food! So finally someone came to get me to take me to pre-op and I was so nervous. I absolutely HATE getting IV's. I don't have good veins and so it kills every time and usually they don't get the IV in the first time so I have to go through it a few times before they get it. Anthony obviously couldn't go in with me so I had to go through it alone. The charge nurse decided to start an IV... He checked me left arm and hand... No good veins. He checked my Right arm and hand and found one in my wrist... WHAT??? I was freaking out inside!! so he gets a needle and pokes it in, of course it didn't get in right so he started moving it around which kills like a freaking mother!! It doesn't work so he takes it out, luckily at that time the anesthesiologist comes in to talk to me and he gets it in the first time, not in my wrist! Stupid nurse!! Anyway, finally they take me back to the operating room give me a shot of "I don't care stuff", thats what the anesthesiologist called it, the next thing I know Im waking up in recovery. I was freezing, cramping like hell, and throwing up! They had me hooked up to some pitocin to make my uterus contract. I fell back to sleep after I was done throwing up, warm and they had given me some pain meds. When I woke up again, I was bleeding very heavily! Every time I moved blood would just gush out. So the recovery nurse called my doc to tell him and he told her to have me emitted to stay the night so they could keep and eye on the bleeding. At this point Anthony had been in the waiting room for like 3 hours, my doc had gone home and Anthony thought I was dressed somewhere waiting for him to take me home. Finally the nurse in recovery went out to tell him what was going on. She also called my doc again to tell him the bleeding wasn't slowing down and that it was pretty heavy, so he tells her to keep me in recovery, he was on his way back to check it. So the nurse went to get Anthony to come sit with me, he had been out in the waiting room for like 4 hours now. So after about 45 min my doctor gets there and checks me. Of course when he was checking me it wasn't coming out like it had been, but it was still heavy enough that he was thinking of what to do for it. My options were another D&C, a Hysterectomy or an embolization that they do in intervention radiology. Well if I had another D&C it could cause lots of fertility problems in the future, of course for me a hysterectomy was not an option unless I was dying and there was nothing else they could do. So He called down to radiology and lucky for me the best guy was there that night and my doctor was so excited! So he came up to talk to me and told me what the procedure entailed. Which was shooting off gel stuff into the main artery to my uterus to block off the blood supply and its supposed to dissolve within 24 to 48 hours after the procedure. So He had to get his team together which took about another hour. By this time it was almost midnight. They took me down to radiology got me all ready and started the procedure which I was awake the whole time for. I had good pain meds and didn't feel a thing, so I actually closed my eyes and slept through most of it so I guess I wasn't really awake after all. They kept flashing a really bright light and that would wake me up every time so I was in and out of it. That took about and hour and then they took me up to my room in the womens center to spend the night. After the procedure I couldn't bend my leg and I had to lay flat for 4 hours so the incision wouldn't start bleeding. That was hard to do. I also started cramping really really bad since they had blocked the blood supply to my uterus. I actually felt like I was in labor, it was painful! Luckily in this day and age they have good drugs and my nurse gave me some Demerol and I almost immediately felt better and fell asleep. She had to check my vitals every 15 minutes for an hour so I didn't get the best sleep. I could even eat and drink at this point but was so exhausted that I didn't even want to. Around 5 a.m I had to get up to use the restroom, thats the first time I could actually bend my leg. Up until that point I probably asked my nurse every ten mintues if I could move it yet... I was so uncomfortable! I hadn't eaten for almost 24 hours so when I got up I was so light headed and felt like I was going to faint, my leg was also very stiff and sore so it was hard to walk. When I was back in the bed and settled I was having some pain so my nurse gave me some more Demerol. I thought I would try to eat some crackers, I opened them took a bite and fell asleep. I woke up with cracker in my mouth and in my hand... I thought it was funny. I kept eating though and eventually finished my cracker and went back to sleep. Anthony stayed with me the whole time and if he could be, he was by my side. Im so grateful for him. I know it wasn't easy sitting in that waiting room most of the night. He was starving so when I was down in radiology he went to get some food. Thats the only time he left. He was such a great support through it all and I love him so much for that! So Wednesday morning they brought me breakfast which I devoured, I was starving!! Around 11:30 or so my doctor came in to see me. He kept saying "we dodged a bullet last night... I have a few more gray hairs" I honestly didn't realize he was so worried about my bleeding. I had a D&C a couple years ago for another miscarriage I had and I bled just the same, only that time it was before I had the D&C this time it was after. I am so grateful for doctors and for current medicine. Those doctors and nurses work so hard and such long hours!! The nurse I had in recovery was supposed to be off at 11 and had to stay almost over an hour sitting with me til I could be taken down to radiology. I felt bad for her, I mean I know its her job and all... but I still felt bad. She was such a nice lady and I wish I could tell her thank you now for taking care of me. She changed me about 5 times within an hour since I was bleeding so much... that has got to be a nasty thing to do! I finally got to go home Wednesday afternoon and went right to sleep. We had so many neighbors and friends want to bring us meals and help us out. We are so lucky to have such great friends!!! Thank you to everyone, especially my parents who had our boys from early tuesday morning til Thursday evening. My parents are the best and are so willing to help us no matter what! I hope I can be half as great as my parents have always been when my kids are grown and have families of their own.
This whole thing has been very hard for me to deal with. Between having alot of cramping and soreness from the emolization and not being able to hold Skyler for a few days I also had the thoughts that the only reason I was like that was because my baby died and had to be taken from me, and its something that shouldn't have happend. I should have been feeling like that because I had my baby and could hold and kiss my baby. When I had my last miscarriage I was very sad, but since there was no baby because it was a blighted ovum it was a little easier to get through. This time I heard my babies heart beat multiple times, I saw my baby on ultrasound and felt my baby move.... It was so heartbreaking to go to the doctors that day to find out my babies heart had stopped and he was no longer alive, and it was so hard seeing him on the ultrasound but not moving around and no heartbeating. I yearn to have my baby growing and thriving inside me! I don't know why this happened... It happens to so many people. I never got to hold my baby or see him but I feel peace in knowing someday I'll get to meet my sweet baby boy and I will be with him again. A friend of mine gave me a book called 'Gone to Soon The Life and Loss of Infants and Unborn Children', that book has been so nice to read through this time. It helped me to understand my feelings better and to know that all my feelings from the sadness to the anger are perfectly normal and healthy to feel. It says in the book that there is no doubt that the loss of a baby can shake us to the depths of our souls. But we must remember that the loss can also take us closer to heaven, and thats where we want to be, for to lose a baby must mean that heaven needs another angel. So for now my baby is in heavens care, and I can't wait for the day that I will hold my baby in my arms and kiss his sweet perfect face and he will be healthy and he will be mine. So until we meeat again... I love you my sweet angel baby boy!!!
These were done when I was 16 weeks... I was 18 weeks when I found out he was gone.
This is about the only good together pic we got of them... Skyler was not into the together pics.
This is one of my Favs!!
Issak and EmmaLee (Jana's cute little girl) and future wife as Anthony says. They are pretty cute together and get along super well, so we'll see!! ;) 
waiting for take off
We of course had to take the classic picture by the Mickey flowers!
The lines were very long. We went over spring break... wouldn't recommend it! We had a GREAT time, but the lines were crazy long and the crowds were ridiculous! 
The Jungle Cruise
Skyler was such a good boy the entire day! I was a little worried about him because he doesn't like to sleep anywhere but a bed or the car and if he doesn't get his naps he is a very grumpy boy. But he was SO good! He slept in the stroller when he was tired and loved getting out to ride the rides. He didn't however like the rides. We only took him on the kid rides of course but every ride we got off of his little lip was pouting and the whole ride he just clung to us and hid his face in our necks. It was really cute!
The sword in the stone
Tarzans treehouse
The teacups with uncle Aaron
Earlier in the day we went blowing. Issak loves bowling and seriously is so good at it! He scored more than some of us adults. He did have the bumpers but still to knock down so many pins is pretty impressive!
On Saturday we went to the Sandiego Zoo. It is one HUGE zoo! They have so many cool animals that I had never even seen before! We saw a baby gorilla that had to be the same size of Skyler. It was so darn cute! I wish I had gotten a picture but there were so many people crowded around the window that it was hard to get a good one. We also saw a Hippo swimming. I've seen it in cartoons, but never in real life. It was so cool to see that HUGE animal just swimming like it was no big deal! It was really fun to walk around and see everything. It is such a big zoo though that we walked about half way through and took the zoofari bus tour the rest of the way to see the rest of the animals that we didn't see while walking around. After the zoo we went to dinner at Applebee's and Skyler was SOO tired and had had it and was NOT happy at the restaurant. The manager or some lady came over and brought him crackers and orange slices to see if that would calm him down.... I was so embarrassed! Im sure it was her way of telling us to shut him up! It worked though! It was a very fun day as well!
Issak leading the way
Sunday was Easter, so we woke up and went to church, just sacrament meeting. It was chilly and a little rainey while we were there so the only really nice day to go to the beach was Sunday. So after church we went home and ate lunch and got ready for the beach. Issak was SO excited to go to the beach. I think besides Disneyland it was the one thing he was most looking forward to doing. He absolutely LOVED playing in the ocean. Skyler was afraid of it all. It was really funny, if I tried to put him down in the sand he would just cling to me. He wanted nothing to do with the ocean or the sand which really surprised me. But he was fine as long as someone was holding him. It was so fun to play with Issak in the water and to build sand castles with him. He just loved it!!
